rob&sara.com

SEPTEMBER POETS 'N' WANNABES . . . A Bulletin Board for Teen Poets The Sacrifice My hair is gone! My gorgeous, golden, strokeable hair-- it's gone! I'm shaved to the scalp to make Angie feel better. Five of us are look-alikes now, indistinguishable from the rear but for ears that protrude like naked pink knobs. I hope Angie gets through chemo. I hope she feels better now that we've all lost our hair. I wish I did. Submitted by Sara4348 POETS 'N' WANNABES Instant Critique [8 in room] Robcruise99 Cattlecall MelodyV Wesley Sintax Sara4348 Iambicpentup Carol16 Wesley:yeah, sintax--but that first line sets up the poem--it's the second one (**GAG**) best to chop it! Sintax:golden and gorjus? Ok dude totally clishay Carol16:But doesn't that let you know what a disaster? If she'd said "my rats nest head of stringy hair is gone" we'd think "good riddance, about time!!!" Cattlecall:hey, you guys, did four people get shaved or five--do you count Angie?--your confusin' me, Sara Wesley:CC, you bean-counter, what does it matter? Better try scanning that long line in the middle--sheesh! Talk about jarring rhythm! Robcruise99:It's a good poem. I like it. MelodyV:HUH? . . . YOU DO? I might like it but for the word choice--naked pink knobs--why a loaded word likenaked? Andprotrude? Ugly. So NOT a great image! Robcruise99:I like it the way it is. Especially the ending. Sintax:you go for naked, huh, and all that strokeable hair? (lol) having a little fantisy there, Rob? Robcruise99:This is sick. I'm out of here. Sent: Friday, September 20 4:28PM From: Poets'n'wannabes@cyberwest.com To: Sara4348@aol.com Subj: "The Sacrifice" The bulletin board doesn't print addresses, but I think they'll forward this to you. No big message. I just wanted to tell you that I like your poem. It's real, and it's honest. Forget those piranhas. They don't want poems. They just want victims. If you feel like sending a poem or a comment to somebody who couldn't care less about "jarring rhythm," my address is Robcruise99@yahoo.com. Don't worry. I'm weird, but I'm not dangerous. And I won't send you spam. Sent: Saturday, September 21 2:20PM From: Sara4348@aol.com To: Robcruise99@yahoo.com Subj: Trashing Sara Hi, Rob, if that's your name. Your email kept me from leaping off the chapel roof. Which I was considering. Not because my poem was treated like roadkill, but because nobody so much as mentioned cancer. What about content? Doesn't anybody care where a poem came from? Or what inspired it? Anyway, thanks for liking "The Sacrifice"--and for saying so. Sent: Sunday, September 22 4:08PM From: Robcruise99@yahoo.com To: Sara4348@aol.com Subj: Question One question, Sara-Four-Thousand-Three-Hundred-and-Forty-Eight. Did you really get your head shaved? I mean, you don't have to be dying to write a poem about a dying person. It's none of my business, but I'm curious. Are you really a skinhead? Sent: Sunday, September 22 7:29PM From: Sara4348@aol.com To: Robcruise99@yahoo.com Subj: An answer for "Curious" Yes, for now I'm a skinhead. If I had a scanner, I'd send proof. And you may continue to call me that--ifyou don't value your front teeth. You want the rest of the story? Three of us went straight to a picture booth at the mall after the barber's--all except Jessie, who was by then catatonic over what she'd done. We were scared to go home, so we cried ourPetersen, P. J. is the author of 'rob&sara.com', published 2004 under ISBN 9780385731645 and ISBN 0385731647.