Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts, for Women Seven Questions to Ask Before (& After) You Marry

Exercise One:Your Personal Ten CommandmentsThis exercise is designed to help you uncover some of your unspoken rules. It will take about fifteen to twenty minutes.Try to articulate some of the unspoken rules you grew up with. Take your time to think it over. These unspoken rules are generally so ingrained that we are rarely aware of them.Once both of you have articulated your "personal ten commandments," share them with each other. Are there rules you would like to change? Take a moment to discuss how unspoken rules might affect your marriage.1. ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________2. ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________3. ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________4. ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________5. ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________6. ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________7. ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________8. ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________9. ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________10. ___________________________________________________________________________________________________________Anytime you have a fight or disagreement, ask yourself: "Is this fight a result of one of us breaking an unspoken rule?" If so, add that rule to your list, and discuss with your wife how you will handle that situation in the future.EXERCISE TWO:Making Your Roles ConsciousListed below are a number of chores or life tasks that will need to be handled by you or your wife. To make your unconscious understanding of roles conscious, first indicate how your parents handled these tasks. Then write down how you would like to divide up the tasks, according to your understanding of your own and your wife's interests, time, and abilities. Finally, compare your list with your wife's list and discuss the results. Put your final decision of who will do what in the last column, and be prepared to renegotiate when your circumstances change. This exercise will take about thirty minutes.Parrott, Leslie is the author of 'Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts, for Women Seven Questions to Ask Before (& After) You Marry' with ISBN 9780310487418 and ISBN 0310487412.