Is He Mr. Right?

Essentials Looking into Your Future At any point between your first date and your wedding night, your heart can be gripped by the question, Is this guy my dreamboat or my Titanic? The man I was always meant to be with or a big fat waste of time? A keeper or a loser? Wouldn't it be great if you could look into a crystal ball and know, like, today, "Will this guy make me happy? Is this love that will last? Or, if I keep going forward with him, am I just settling? Is there someone else out there who's even better for meI wouldn't want to miss out on the love of my life! Or is this guy Mr. Right?" There are two possibilities: 1.He might have great qualities and love you, but he's just not the one. He won't make you happy. If you commit to him, things will turn out badly. So you've got to say good-bye, shed a tear, and move on to someone better. 2.Even if your guy is a gap-toothed goofball, he's your gap-toothed goofball. Somehow his being the way he is and your being the way you are feels right and works well. He will make you happy. And if you commit, you will have a great future together. Soyou've got to move forward with him. But which is true for you? Figuring this out can easily make the smartest woman feel stupid. Your guy, of course, is a mixed bag. As far as you can tell, he's not Mr. Right or Mr. Wrong. He's Mr. Maybe. They say you can't compare apples and orangeswell, he's Carmen Miranda's whole hat, and how do you add up a hatful of different fruit? Kelly, 31, said, "Okay, let's see. In favor of his being Mr. Right is the fact that we both like barbecues, baseball, and big dogs. We both hate to get up in the morning or go to sleep at night. We both went to John F. Kennedy Middle School, although in different cities! In favor of his being Mr. Wrong is the fact that we fight a lot over stupid things. I want three kids; he's not sure he wants one. We rarely want to make love at the same time. We get on each other's nerves when we're both in the kitchen." Sigh. . . . If only relationships weren't so confusing. And the early stages are the most confusing. Fears are churning. Hopes are peeping through like crocuses through the snow. Worst of all, solid information is hard to get. When friends ask how we feel about him, we respond with a stir-fry of contradictory feelings. All we know is that we're searching for certainty, but we're not sure how to find it. There's so little to go on. He seems nice, but is he really Hannibal Lecter in sheep's clothing? He seems distantis he cold or is he just shy? Even when you do grab hold of a clue, it can be hard to know what it means. Let's say you're a real beach bunny. Then you discover that your guy hates the beach. What do you do? Your friends have opinions ("But he makes so much money!" "But you live for the beach!"). Will he come around? you wonder. Will you get tired of the beach? (Never!) Will you find a way to work around this? Will it drive a wedge between you? The Fork in the Road Almost any woman in a developing relationship is hungry for certainty these days. Take Laura, 33. She'd been sitting next to me while we were waiting to board a plane. They'd announced a delay. Since we were going to be there for God knows how long, we started chatting. She said she was at that stage where it was starting to feel like she and her boyfriend, Jack, should talk about making some kind of commitment. Maybe to move in together. "BKirshenbaum, Mira is the author of 'Is He Mr. Right? ' with ISBN 9780307336736 and ISBN 0307336735.