Girl Most Likely to

"Celibacy is rotting your brain." Cristina insisted through my cell phone, while the taxi jerked up Fifth Avenue. It might even have been true, but it was a hateful thing for a best friend to say. At my age--and my father never missed an opportunity to remind me of my age with all the subtlety of a presiden-tial ass-pat--my mother had managed a screaming child, a barking dog, a doting husband and a medical residency. And she did it from a three-bedroom Colonial in Great Neck, Long Island. By twenty-seven, left to my own devices, I had amassed a lucrative, yet uninspiring, seventy-hour Wall Street workweek, a telling but unintentional track record of shoving plant corpses down the trash chute while the neigh-bors slept, and a very large, very expensive and very empty bed. It was the latter fact that had me feeling particularly vul-nerable. And of the many mistakes I made that Saturday evening, the first was expecting Cristina to understand. "Just because I've decided to be rational and take control of my life, that doesn't mean I'm crazy." I pouted, checking my watch. Draped in my traditional powder-blue silk salwar kameez and matching satin Charles David heels, I was hurtling helplessly toward another lavish Indian wedding where my parents would be seated where the love of my life ought to be. After ten years of scouring every dormitory bar, party and young singles' mixer, not to mention checking under every rock and in more than my fair share of coun-tries around the world, I was in no mood for honesty. If bunions were my reward for a decade of running in four-inch heels, then cynicism was my logical response to the umpteenth fix-up with a prince whose castle would even-tually make me break out in hives. "But an arranged marriage? For you, Vina?" her voice climbed. It was laced with all the straight-postured self-righteousness of a New England housewife snatching home hair dye from the hands of a teenaged daughter. "I don't think so." I sucked air through clenched teeth. "See? This is why I wasn't going to tell you about tonight. And it's not an arranged marriage. It's an arranged, date, and it just happens to be taking place at a wedding." Ever since I met Cristina, when we were the lone female interns in the J.P. Morgan investment banking department, she'd refused to cut me emotional slack. And that was what I respected most about her. Unfortunately, she also refused to accept that merely being ethnic (Cuban, and from Miami) didn't mean she automatically grasped my situation. Con-vincing her that it was a good idea to be set up with the Punjabi lawyer courtesy of my parents required an appeal to the rational side of her brain. Fortunately, we were both in-vestment bankers; I knew exactly how to put things into terms that she could grasp. "Look," I added, cradling my cell between ear and shoulder while aiming my compact at the pinky finger I used to catch errant eyeliner, "I have thirty months left until thirty. I know your mom had you when she was, like, forty. Butyouhaveto understand that Indian women don't have Cuban women's genes. Sure, our hips were made for childbearing, but that's where the similarity ends. The fact is that I'm only fertile until, like, thirty-five. And anyway, to figure out ideal fertility age, you take the average age of menopause for women in your family, and subtract twenty years. That's when your fertility takes a serious nosedive. For my mom, menopause was fifty, so that means that childbirth is supposed to be before thirty for me." "But, " "Also, consider that it takes at least six months to fall in love with anyone and run the required background checks, another nine months to get engaged, and a year to plan the wedding. And my husband and I will need at least a year of being married without being pregnant--to screw like bunnies before gravity has its way with me. That's thirty-nine months. So even ifSharma, Poonam is the author of 'Girl Most Likely to ', published 2007 under ISBN 9780373895502 and ISBN 037389550X.