Guide to the Manners, Etiquette, and Deportment of the Most Refined Society

9781585742417

1585742414

Americans have always been obsessed with self-improvement, so it is no surprise that this guide on how we should deport ourselves was a runaway best-seller when first published in 1879. Within, John Young showed readers how to address a senator, how to propose or decline a marriage, how to console a friend on the death of a loved one, and even how to attend to one's toilette. On "Speaking One's Mind," Young writes that "certain honest but unthinking people often commit the grievous mistake of 'speaking their mind' on all occasions and under all circumstances, and oftentimes to the great mortification of their hearers...a little reflection ought to show how cruel and unjust this is." In a section entitled "The Relations of an Engaged Couple," he writes that "A lady should not be too demonstrative of her affection during the days of her engagement. There is always the chance of 'a slip 'twixt the cup and the lip.'" On being presented to the Court of St. James - presumably something everyone should do at least once - he tells us that "It is desirable to be early to escape the crowd... When [a lady] arrives before His or Her Majesty, she should courtesy as low as possible, so as to almost kneel." There are also recipes for such household necessities as "hair restorative" (as in the popular PBS television series 1900 House), and he reveals the subtleties of flower-giving and color coordination. But this is much more than a collection of rules, and much of Young's advice about how to navigate the quirky mores of the nineteenth century is as commonsensical now as it was then. Every page in A Guide to the Manners, Etiquette, and Deportment of the Most Refined Society contains something curious, ponderous, or hilarious. It is a fascinating and entertaining look at everyday life in the late nineteenth century and, in many ways, the basis for everyday life in our own. (51/2 X 71/4, 426 pages, illustrations)