Confident Woman: Learn the Rules of the Game

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Introduction WHO AM I TO BE TELLING YOU WHAT TO DO? A book is, after all, nothing more than a personal letter to the world... at least to those who want to read it. -- Anonymous I can't remember when I didn't want to write this book. After a lifetime of experiencing little confidence, two separate, but related incidents led me to stop thinking about it and sit down to prepare, and eventually writeThe Confident Woman. The first incident took place when a colleague of mine, Dr. Kim Yeager, chief of the California Office of Women's Health, asked me to give a presentation for an upcoming National Roundtable on Women's Health. The other presenters were going to be people who were considered "the experts" in their respective fields, so my immediate response was to tell her that I was sure that there were many others much better qualified than I to do such a presentation. Frankly, that was the truth. Nevertheless, Kim left the invitation open. That evening I flew up to the San Francisco Bay Area to see my kids perform in a Stanford University improv program. Before the show, I went out to dinner with another colleague, Dr. Iris Litt, Director of Adolescent Medicine at the Stanford University School of Medicine. As we were sipping a glass of wine at a local cafE, I mentioned to Iris that a National Roundtable on Women's Health was going to be held in California and that she might want to get in touch with Kim Yeager about doing a piece on adolescent girls. Just as an idle aside, I mentioned that Kim had asked me to give the talk on women's mental health and then casually told her of my response. What ensued was life-changing for me. Iris, who in spite of her remarkable accomplishments, is a very soft-spoken woman, took my hand in hers, looked me straight in the eye, and in an uncharacteristically, strong voice said: "Marjorie, don't you dare not accept this invitation! Don't you know that when asked to give presentations, even the most highly educated, most qualified women--both Ph.D.'s and M.D.'s--continually take themselves out of the arena. Predictably, they say no to invitations because they don't think they know enough, are good enough, are experienced enough, are prepared enough to speak on a subject. Even when they are experts in their fields, many women don't seem to have the confidence to do the job." "On the other hand," she went on, "when most male Ph.D.'s or M.D.'s are asked to present, they say yes readily, whether or not they know anything about the subject!1 Hey, my friend, you've been offered a wonderful opportunity! You've got to do it. What do you have to lose?" I was stunned. Iris' words both challenged me and gave me courage to do something that I would not otherwise have done. (Now that's a good friend!). So in spite of not having the extraordinary academic credentials of my fellow roundtable presenters, I decided to participate. With the help of a colleague, I spent six months relentlessly tracking down the research on women's mental health. Eventually we managed to put together a respectable presentation. At least it was effective enough to have the sponsoring organization ask us to give it again on two other occasions. I wil