Beyond the Myth of Marital Happiness How Embracing the Virtues of Loyalty, Generosity, Justice, and Courage Can Strengthen Your Relationship

9780787945671

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It's time to question the widespread consensus that good communication, emotional gratification, and intimacy are the essential elements of good marriages. In this controversial and yet inspirational book, psychologist Blaine Fowers challenges this powerful myth, offering couples a new vision of marital partnership that is grounded in a richer understanding of vibrant lifelong marriages. Dr. Fowers, a noted relationship expert, reveals that the best marriages are partnerships in which the spouses are devoted to creating a shared life. Using real-life examples from thriving relationships, he shows how spouses can create deeply meaningful partnerships devoted to mutual goals such as raising children, contributing to the life of their community, and maintaining family or religious traditions. Couples not only flourish as they engage in worthwhile activities together, but as they extend themselves beyond their own gratification they also gain strength from their extended families and their communities. Beyond the Myth is filled with suggestions spouses can use to develop the traits or virtues-including friendship, loyalty, self-restraint, courage, generosity, and justice-that can bring this vision to life. Dr. Fowers' original ideas and practical, uplifting advice shows how couples can more fully capture the beauty and goodness that are available in almost all marriages. Beyond the Myth of Marital Happiness is written for people who want to participate in the wonder and depth of a long-term partnership, improve their own character, and develop the richness and vitality that may be dormant in their relationships for creating a loving and lasting marriage. Discover the Deeper Meaning of Marriage in the Virtues and Joys of Long-Term Partnership According to psychologist Blaine Fowers, the myth of marital happiness-that good communication, emotional gratification, and intimacy result in a healthy relationship-has made marriages more fragile than ever before and we must let it go. Does this mean that we should give up on love, satisfaction, intimacy, emotional support, good communication, and good sex in marriage? That marriage must be continued solely on the basis of grim commitment? That no one should divorce? Not at all. Instead, Dr. Fowers shows how we can re-envision marriage as a wonderful opportunity to practice the virtues of friendship, loyalty, generosity, and justice in the shared pursuit of our deepest ideals. "Fowers's inspiring new approach to marriage may well provide the missing link in our struggle to rebuild and fortify the flagging institution of marriage. All couples-from starry-eyed newlyweds to those about to throw in the towel-should take turns reading this book aloud to each other."-Diane Sollee, founder and director, Coalition for Marriage, Family and Couples Education "At last we have a book that sets forth the true basis for enduring marriages. It moves beyond the psychobabble about emotional payoff and beyond even today's panacea of "communication" to describe real marriage as a partnership directed toward ends good in themselves."-Robert N. Bellah, professor of sociology, emeritus, University of California Berkeley; coauthor The Good Society "I've read a lot of books, for a lot of years, about a lot of theories pertaining to marriage. But none of them have come close to capturing the beauty, lyrical quality, and profound truth of this book. This book is different from all the rest. The truth shines out from it."-Philip Cushman, author, Constructing the Self, Constructing America