3 Steps to Yes The Gentle Art of Getting Your Way

9780609807194

0609807196

Why You Need This Book "I can understand your wanting to write poems, but I don't quite know what you mean by 'being a poet' . . ." --T. S. Eliot My wife, a liberal arts major in college, took a course in her freshman year that she affectionately called Astronomy for Poets. She learned basic astronomy, studied the constellations, and viewed planets and stars for the first time through a telescope. Cool. She loved the course and signed up for the second in the series in her sophomore year. Big mistake. The professor started the first class by announcing, "Well, now that we're all here for something beyond fulfilling the basic science requirement, we can get down to work." My wife's reaction as she looked around the room was Uh-oh. There were eight students in the class--six astronomy majors, one physics major, and one political science major: her. Not good. The course covered spherical trigonometry, sidereal time, parallax motion, optics, and a lot of other astronomy stuff that was of no interest or use to people not majoring in astronomy. My wife stuck it out, but broke the sound barrier getting to the registrar's office to change her status to pass-fail. My wife's college and her Astronomy for Poets course weren't unique. Although they're listed in course catalogs with less irreverent titles, there's Physics for Poets, Chemistry for Poets, Rocks for Jocks (Introduction to Geology). "Poet" is a metaphor for "enlightened amateur," a person who wants to know something about astronomy--or physics, chemistry, or geology--but who doesn't want to get lost in the minutiae that only science majors need and love. 3 Steps to Yes is the persuasion equivalent of Astronomy for Poets. Here, "Poets" is a metaphor for people who must get others to agree with them, ordinary people who need to move others from no or maybe to yes, but who don't want to spend their lives learning and perfecting sales and negotiation strategies. Moreover, Poets must persuade gently, eschewing the coercion and manipulation that professional persuaders use, but that tend to corrode personal relationships. In 3 Steps to Yes, "Poets" are the enlightened amateurs of persuasion. They're managers, employees, parents, spouses, teachers, students, business executives, lawyers, accountants, consultants, investment bankers, job seekers, and, yes, even poets. They may even be people who sell for a living. But "Poets" are not hard-core, high-pressure salespeople and negotiators, people who care only about winning and not about the quality of their long-term relationships with the people they persuade. Poets care about being liked and accepted, and avoid doing anything they feel might hurt their personal relationships. Nevertheless, Poets must persuade. The Poet Persuader As this book neared completion, I needed a publicist, a professional public-relations person to help tell the world about my book. I narrowed my search to three firms, each run by a woman founder/entrepreneur. They were all strong, self-confident professionals working in the heart of the New York City publishing world, where only the most intelligent and influential succeed. So I was unprepared for their strong Poet aversion to persuading. As it turned out, each woman disliked selling, and worked hard to appear not to be trying to persuade me. Each one seemed to operate on the theory that persuasion was unnecessary, even unseemly, and that if she simply described what she did, I'd automatically conclude that she was the best. But it doesn't work that way. This was an important decision, so I met with the head of each firm personally. The women were competent, hardworking, and enthusiastic, and they were anxious for me to believe they could help me. They were intelligent, articulate professionals, perhaps even brilliant, but they