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Types of “Bros”

Aug 2 2012 at 10:18 am by

Bros have become somewhat of a phenomenon. It started off with one, general type of bro, but the species has morphed into a number of subsets. To help you navigate the complicated world of bros, here are the different types:

1. The Lax Bro

The king of all bros, and probably the bro-iest of them all. Playing lacrosse—whoops, I meant lax, sorry—the lax bro is always wearing white or black Nike mid-calf socks. No other brand is allowed. Has to be Nike.

Accompanying the mid-calf socks are some “fresh” kicks, usually of the Nike variety. Of course, the sneaks have to match the pastel-colored shorts.  And hanging out of the pocket is a lanyard. Is there anything attached to it? Maybe. Maybe not. Rocking a lanyard gives him options though. It can either dangle out of the shorts or loop around his neck like a necklace. Variety at its finest.

The lax bro also rocks a lax pinnie, since he has to be dedicated 100% of the time.

Last but not least: the flow. If you’re a true lax bro you have to head some solid lettuce that can whip in the wind. The flow can be contained, but only by a backwards snapback hat.

Lax pinnie

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2. The Baseball Bro

First and foremost, he has to wear some sort of necklace that “improves” balance, energy, and looks. This can be in the form of Power Balance or Phiten, and the necklace has to stand out. Another accessory? Oakley sunglasses. Gotta’ have a pair for the game, and also a casual pair…or are they the same? They have to be lightweight and polarized, and dark lenses of course, so that no one can see where they’re looking.

The last accessory to a baseball bro is, of course, the sunflower seeds—or, alternatively, chewing tobacco—staples of any bro-inspired diet. He always has to be chewing or spitting on something to keep him from getting horribly bored during the game and class.

Now, when it comes to appearances these bros sport some quirky or “I lost a bet” facial hair. And a hat. In fact, the most important aspect of the baseball bro is the hat. He wears a fitted, flat-brim, facing forward, not backwards (like the lax bro). Big difference there.

 Oakley Sunglasses

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3. The Preppy Bro

Face it: you know at least one hardcore preppy bro. It all starts with boat shoes, since he goes boating all the time, but no socks. He has Khakis that are too short, but intentionally too short. And they sit just above the ankle, enabling others to see his boat-shoes-and-no-socks look. His Khakis can’t have pleats; that’s bad news. He has to wear a button-up (but he doesn’t button all the way as at least three or four buttons must remain open). His shirt is usually from Polo, but may come from a number of other well-established, brand name and pricey spots. When it comes to hair, this guy is rocking the regular length, but incorporates some sort of a part or gel or mousse so the hair doesn’t move while boating. And he has Ray Ban sunglasses. With croakies.

Boat shoes and pants rolled up 

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4. The Surfer Bro

In case the occasion calls for a quick dip in the ocean, pool, lake, or puddle, board shorts are a must. These shorts are also comfortable enough to handle the arduous task of long boarding, which is a trademark of the surfer bro. Usually, he’s carrying his long board, not riding on it. But he has to wear Vans just in case. He’s also wearing a tank top so that he can enjoy the weather while carrying—again, not riding—the long board.

A backpack is also a common-place item for the surfer bro. What’s in the backpack? No one knows.

Long board

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5. The Hipster Bro

He’s latest bro to make an appearance on the bro circuit, and he’s wearing skinny jeans with high-top sneakers. The jeans are absurdly below the waist, but still have a belt accompanying them. He’s always plugged into his iPhone or iPod, and bumping through his headphones is usually some crazy trance music, or else Skrillex. Of course, headphones aren’t the only accessory special to the hipster bro, as he also dons thick-rimmed, square-shaped glasses. Now here’s the interesting part: even if he doesn’t need glasses he nevertheless rocks them. It’s a fashion statement, right?

Hipster glasses

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