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The Ultimate Celebrity Success College Dropout Hall of Fame

Nov 6 2012 at 10:51 am by

I’m going to be brutally honest here…. There are a lot of college dropouts who have made it big. I don’t simply mean comfortably big. I mean disgustingly big. Filthy rich. So filthy rich that not even their money can buy enough towels to wipe all their crevices of the filthy dirt they derive from their richness.

This, of course, isn’t about how filthy rich these successful college dropouts are. Rather, it’s about the fact that any other “college dropout hall of fame” can pale in comparison to this ultimate collection of individuals who have proven that you don’t need to join a frat house or dorm room to earn a decent paycheck.

Mary Poppins 

Yes, a spoonful of sugar indeed does help the medicine go down. I think Mrs. Julie Andrews, of course, must’ve had mounds of sugar to be as popular as she has been (and still is) without a college degree. In fact, the advocate for the sound of music and resident queen of Genovia – before Anne Hathaway, a.k.a Catwoman – didn’t even graduate from high school.

But with that voice, the eminence of her face, her British accent (Elizabeth Hurley would cower before her)–who would need a diploma? All she needs is her umbrella.

 

“Stone Cold” Steve Austin

What do you expect when you’re dealing with someone who lays down the bottom line (‘cause Stone Cold said so)? This was a guy who could get things done. Plain and simple.

Of course, he could’ve graduated from the University of North Texas with a physical education degree. Picture him as a gym teacher – oh, yes. A few credits shy of graduating, he dropped out and worked as a freight docker before joining a wrestling school to begin his empiric run as one of the most influential professional wrestlers of all time.

All I have to say is “Can you smeeeeeeeeeeeell….” (Wrong wrestler. Sorry.).

 

Simon Cowell

What do you get when you have a cynical, snotty, almost dry sort of sound to your British voice with a knack for spotting instant talent a mile away? You get a man who left boarding school at the age of 16. His name is Simon Cowell.

TV producer. Judge for “American Idol,” “Britain’s Got Talent” and “The X-Factor.” This man will look at you with brutal snobbery and grimace when you sing Christina Aguilera’s “Genie in a Bottle.” But what made him an expert?

Maybe it was the $72 million he made in 2007 alone.

 

The Ghostbuster (Bill Murray)

The legacy this man shaped can only be defined by something even bigger than a Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man, if such a thing does exist. I’m serious. Look at his acting credits, for God’s sake! He lives up to the comedy hall of fame along the lines with Steve Martin, Martin Short, Chevy Chase and Dan Akroyd.

They were all kings of comedy. And they earned it. Thankfully, Mr. Ghostbuster here had to drop out of Regis University due to an arrest for possession of marijuana back in the day. Seriously, it’s true.

You can’t proton that ghost into a trap; that’s for sure. Slimer would be proud. Without Murray’s antics back then, that green ghost wouldn’t even exist.

 

Beck 

An example of how someone can literally have nothing and then have everything. That’s Beck. Just Beck.

This guy dropped out of high school. Basically became homeless. He then decided he wanted to try his hand at music. Really can’t sing. Really can’t dance much. Yet, this guy had this flavor to him, touched on a genre of music no one had ever heard, and all of a sudden he’s a Grammy-winning millionaire “loser.”

He’s the American Dream. No soy un perdedor, for sure.

 

Herman Melville

Commemorating the end of a phenomenal list of knockout celebrity successful college dropouts is the one and only Herman Melville.

Why is he a big deal? Well, aside from the fact that he’s one of the most celebrated novelists ever–literally since the time of the dinosaurs–this man never finished college. In fact, he never finished high school.

We don’t need no stinkin’ diplomas, do we? Only harpoons. And if my chest had been a cannon, I’d definitely shoot my own heart upon the fact that “Moby Dick” – Melville’s immortal classic redone, reinterpreted, re-envisioned, regurgitated – has always been his cornerstone of literary genius and American fundamentalism.

In other words, he, above most others, remains the standard measure of literary quality.

And he did all of that without Calculus! Lucky.

 

 

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