1. Does your roommate smoke?
B) Yes, but only when stressed.
C) Like a rubber tire.
D) Depends on what you mean by “smoke.”
2. What is your roommate’s worst habit?
A) Chewing so loud it might as well be grazing.
B) Nail biting like a demon chainsaw.
C) The tendency to make everything into a competition. Everything.
3. When you have a concern about you roommate, you _______________.
A) Tactfully voice my distress.
B) Avoid eye contact.
C) Make effective yet alarming passive-aggressive comments.
D) Resort to inter-roommate warfare.
4. Your roommate’s taste in music is ______________.
C) Questionable at best.
5. Your roommate’s stance on overnight guests is _______________.
C) Questionable at best.
6. With respect to cleanliness, you roommate is _____________.
A) Put together.
B) A little messy, but who isn’t?
C) Unspeakably sanitary. Seriously, what’s going on with all that Windex?
D) You are trapped in a vortex of filth.
7. Suppose you are willing to share small items such as CDs, DVDs, and books with your roommate. Which would you not be willing to share?
B) Large sums of money.
D) Your dignity.
8. Your roommate likes to study ______________________.
A) In the library.
B) Maybe a little too much. But then again, studying never hurt anybody, right?
D) In your room, but only when you suggest that you would like to host a party. Figures.
9. When you’re upset, you ________________.
A) Tell your roommate, and apologize for seeming on edge.
B) Talk to your RA.
C) Talk to your RA and blame your roommate.
D) Tell your roommate to f*** off.
10. This quiz was _____________.
C) A slap in the face.
D) Too real.
If you answered the majority of questions with “A” then you have a great relationship with your roommate. Congratulations. Don’t tell your friends though, as it might cause them to secretly loathe you-or else bathe themselves in envy.
If you answered the majority of questions with “B” then eh, it could be worse.
If you answered the majority of questions with “C,” you should start asking yourself some tough questions. How did you get into this mess? How do you get out? Who are you? It’s time for some serious meditation.
If you answered the majority of questions with “D,” hold off on calling an exorcist. Chances are your roommate will actually become one of your closest friends. While you might want to bang your head against the wall, it’s only human nature to hate the ones you love, right? Or maybe not. Maybe you should run for the hills before it’s too late.