Still passed out from that hangover? Such is the college life, dear. Now bend over and take it like a man (or woman). Because the bottom line is college is work! Work, work, work, work, work.
And there’s no reason it shouldn’t be. You know why?
You’re Preparing for Your Future Career!
All right. I’ll spill it for you. Last time you were here reading these titular tit-pinching orgasmic words of phenomenal imagery, you were engulfing yourself in that all-American idea of the college internship.
Now I know what you’re thinking. At first you thought it was all funny. And it might have sounded true, based on how I was writing it. I can be persuasive that way.
But in the long run, it all sounded too good to be true, obviously. Internships can’t be that good. Right?
Well, Check Out These Five Amazing Internships You Can Land….
As long as you’re a college junior, senior, or recent grad, these are fair game. No shit. Believe me, you’re going to think they’re shit when you read them. But trust me – they’re real.
We’ll start with the fifth on the list:
The Bermuda Institute of Ocean Sciences
Boring! ….Right? Wrong.
This is a nonprofit institute started by Harvard and NYU literally over a century ago. And if you’re a student interested in environmental science and oceanography, you’re going to want to jump on this one.
If you thought lecture halls were boring, you were right; they are. That’s why BIOS (Bermuda Institute of Ocean Sciences) offers an internship to students who want to study ocean science right off the coast of a North Atlantic Island….
Yep. That’s what the BIOS is all about. In addition, VIP interns can take research cruises to the Antarctic (no kidding, swear to God) as well as scuba dive around St. George’s. For those that like the real science of all of it, an intern may also have the chance to try out new technology, such as a deep sea mooring, the latest in underwater vehicle innovation, and satellite oceanography.
It’s Clive Cussler’s Dirk Pitt in real life. And if you’ve read the books, Dirk Pitt gets a lot of ladies (or if Dirk Pitt were named Diana Pitt, she’d get a lot of dudes).
And speaking of traveling, know this: if there was one airline in operation today that could be infamous for major partying above 50,000 feet, that would be South West Airlines. Why?
Well, for starters, they have what’s called the No Limits Internship Program. If you’re majoring in aviation or working on a degree that’ll lead to a profession in the travel industry or hospitality industry, this’ll be your internship.
Not only is this a paid internship, but you can also participate in what is called “Intern Happy Hour.” Go figure on what that means, but in all honesty it sounds like fun! Flight attendants are hot when you think about it.
That’s not all, though – in addition, this program offers a “Not-So-Amazing Race” consisting of obstacle courses and something about marshmallows. I don’t know – it’s classified. I’d tell you, but I’d have to kill you.
Don’t forget the slammin’ company parties (those pilots and attendants sure know how to shake an ass). And let’s not forget this rather lovely perk…. Free flights! Yes. You can fly anywhere – for free.
So thank you for flying South West Airlines. We hope you enjoyed the ride. We know we did.
And speaking of sore knees and crotches, imagine getting to attend some of the wildest late-night rock concerts and interview some of the hottest stars ever to grace a stage. Now imagine you could do that…as an intern!
This is the cream of the crop of the entertainment industry. And, boy, is it a wild one. We’re talking semen-sweaty groupies and hot ladies on stage, wild nights with crazy alcohol at some of the most star-studded hotels ever built by man and a chance to rub shoulders with some of the biggest party animal, Jim Morrison type celebrities in the music industry.
Interns for Columbia Records actually do this. No joke.
Sometimes interns may have the privilege of scouting for new bands, too. Imagine the clout on that one. Who knows – you may discover the next Justin Bieber.
Allure Fashion Magazine
And while we’re knee deep in the musky scent of the entertainment industry, we should take a trip to this stunningly alluring company. Think “The Devil Wears Prada” or “Ugly Betty.” Only the reality is these internships aren’t as ‘lowly’ as these shows make them out to be.
Allure Fashion Magazine currently has an internship available – so for those involved in the fashion industry, you better jump on it! Or the Devil will indeed wear Prada. And you know the Devil can be a bitch in Prada.
Ralph Lauren can be your friend and save you from the Devil and Prada as you realize that there are many perks involved with a media internship –
Such as boatloads of free merchandise, massive office parties, celebs showing up regularly like clockwork. Imagine kickin’ it with Scarlett Johansson or Julianne Hough, or Hugh Jackman or Zac Efron…
Take a cold shower…. Please, there are kids reading this!
Do I have to even explain this one? Is it really that necessary?
Needless to say, if you’re majoring in something involving media or computers or anything remotely connected to the internet industry, you may run into the opportunity to intern at Google, Inc., the mega-monster of the World Wide Web.
First off, an internship with Google goes for 11 weeks. It’s competitively paid. Strike a bull’s eye on that one already (and we haven’t even gotten to the details of this internship!). Paid internships are always the best.
But this is the best part of the internship Google offers…. They don’t care what your major is!!
Seriously. You can major in butt juice if you want, and they’ll consider you.
In other words, for 11 weeks, you’ll be traveling, receiving free gourmet breakfasts, lunches, dinners. Massages, your very own game room, rock climbing, and evening cruises are also included.
No, I’m not on drugs. No, I’m not hallucinating. Although you’d be thinking these things while participating in your ‘internship’ for Google, Inc. Talk about a major download of fun information….
Wipe the Sweat Off Your Brow as You Recover From Your Literary Orgasm
Was it good for you? Good.
You’ve just read an insider’s look on some of the wildest internships in the universe. If there ever was a reason to go to college, these five internships would be it.
Put that in your pipe and smoke it. Or put that in your bong and drink it. Just make sure that once you’re done with the pipe and bong that you bring it on the cruise ship, on a plane, to a concert, at a celebrity party, or in the middle of cyberspace paradise.
It would then be even more fun.