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5 Hangover Cures for the Perpetually Hungover

Nov 9 2012 at 12:57 pm by

If there’s one cornerstone of the college experience, it’s the hangover. We all know how to get one. But do you know how to cure it? Or is that even possible? Give these methods a shot and find out for yourself.



There’s real science behind this one. If you have alcohol in your system, you’re basically toxic. That’s why you end up feeling like you have a fuzzy tongue and your head’s spinning. You’re dehydrated. You’re dehydrated because your body used all the water in your system to flush out the alcohol.

Because those toxins still exist in your system, one of the best ways to get rid of them is to flush them out yourself by – yes, I’m being serious – running on a treadmill.

Of course you need to be sure you have a bottle of water to chug while doing it or else you’ll pass out. And, yes, you don’t need to do it at a sprint. Just a jog. Your head’s going to hurt massively, but in twenty minutes you’ll feel like a Greek god. The profuse sweating, the water going in and out of your system, is like a toilet flushing itself. All is better when it’s done.

Eat greasy food

Getting food – enormously hefty and wholesome and downright greasy food – into your tummy is one of the best ways to boost your blood-sugar level. And your metabolism. We’re talking protein, fat, cholesterol, carbs, you name it.

Why does all this matter, you ask? Simple. It’s all about encouraging your body to process and remove toxins. It also helps dilute whatever is still in your stomach, which is particularly helpful if you eat before you go to bed.


Rehydration + electrolytes = healthy alternative to binge eating

So maybe you don’t want to stuff your face with quarter-pounders and filet o’ fishes. This remedy can have a similar effect without the calories. Think Gatorade.

Here’s why it works: when your body expels moisture, you lose something called electrolytes. Being hydrated isn’t the same as being energized. Take a look at just about any energy drink in the market, and you’ll notice that these little critters called electrolytes are included. They help you absorb more water, faster, helping get your body get back in balance.

Get romantic

One way to ensure that a hangover never rears its ugly head the morning after drinking your paycheck is to simply have sex. That’s it.

The endorphins released from just the intercourse itself can combat the gross feeling in your stomach when you wake up in the morning. You’ll still feel dehydrated, but that’s nothing a trip to the sink can’t fix.

Wakeup Juice

What’s this wakeup juice called? Simple. No, seriously – it’s called Simple. You need a butt load of sugar and caffeine all at once. I must warn you, though: the after-effects of the supercharged boost may put you in even more of a stupor than the alcohol. But it’ll at least get you going.

Pour some fresh coffee into a mug. Fill it up halfway. Add some Red Bull and toss in a 5-hour energy shot to finish. Drink it.


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