Boundaries in Dating: Making Dating Work

Boundaries in Dating Copyright © 2000 by Henry Cloud and John Townsend Requests for information should be addressed to: Zondervan, Grand Rapids, Michigan 49530 Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data Cloud, Henry. Boundaries in dating : making dating work / Henry Cloud and John Townsend. p. cm. ISBN-10: 0-310-20034-2 (softcover) ISBN-13: 978-0-310-20034-5 (softcover) 1. Dating (Social customs) 2. Dating (Social customs)-Religious aspects -Christianity. 3. Single people-Conduct of life. I. Townsend, John Sims, 1952- II. Title. HQ801. C59 2000 646.7'7-dc21 99-057936 The examples used in this book are compilations of stories from real situations. But names, facts, and issues have been altered to protect confidentiality while illustrating the points. All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from the Holy Bible: New International Version®. NIV®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved. Published in association with Yates & Yates, LLP, Literary Agent, Orange, CA. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means-electronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, or any other-except for brief quotations in printed reviews, without the prior permission of the publisher. Interior design by Laura Blost Printed in the United States of America 06 07 08 09 10 11 12 - 38 37 36 35 34 33 32 31 30 29 28 27 26 25 We want to hear from you. Please send your comments about this book to us in care of zreview@zondervan.com. Thank you. Part One YOU AND YOUR BOUNDARIES Chapter 1 Why Boundaries in Dating? So what do I do, set a bomb underneath his chair?" Heather exploded, only partly in jest. She was having lunch with her best friend, Julie. The conversation focused on her ongoing frustration with Todd, Heather's boyfriend for the past year. Heather cared deeply for him and was ready to pursue marriage. Though he was loving, responsible, and fun, Todd had shown no sign of making any real commitment to the relationship. The couple enjoyed being together, yet anytime Heather tried to talk about getting serious, Todd would make a joke or skate around the issue. At thirty-three, Todd valued his freedom and saw no reason for anything in his life to change. Heather's outburst was a response to something Julie had said: "You really need to help Todd get moving forward." Heather's words were tinted with frustration, hurt, and a good deal of discouragement. Frustration because she and Todd seemed to be on different tracks. Hurt because her love felt unrequited. And discouraged because she had invested so much of her heart, time, and energy into the relationship. For the past year, Heather had made Todd a high emotional priority in her life. She had given up activities she enjoyed; she had given up relationships she valued. She had tried to become the kind of person she thought Todd would be attracted to. And now it looked like this investment was going nowhere. No Kids Allowed Welcome to dating. If you have been in this unique type of relationship, you are probably familiar with Heather and Todd's scenario. Two people are genuinely attracted to each other and start going out. They are hopeful that the relationship will become something special that will lead to marriage and a lifelong soul mate. Things look good for a while, but somehow something breaks down between them, causing heartache, frustration, and loneliness. And, more often than not, the scenario repeats itself in other relationships down the line.[read more]