All Eyes on Her

It is better to be envied than it is to go unnoticed, my mother's voice echoed in the back of my mind. And I would have agreed with her on princip≤ however, if I leaned any farther to the left to avoid being seared by Stefanie's jealous gaze in that Friday morning meeting, I'm sure I would've toppled right off of my chair. For the record, there were eight other junior associates at our Beverly Hills law firm hoping for the same two promotion slots. I was handling a key client, and I did take my career very seriously. But even I wasn't cocky enough to believe that Stefanie's ill will had anything to do with my superior job performance. Rather, I knew that my being the only other female candidate was the reason why she made a habit of watching me as if there were a bull's-eye centered on my forehead. "Interesting choice of footwear for a firm-wide meeting," she had sneered in the elevator an hour before. As if my open-toed pumps were too much for the office. Luckily, I knew better. These emerald green Diors were as suitable as they were scrumptious.Maybe she just didn't like me. And if so, then I really didn't have the time to wonder why. Being the only Indian girl in my Hermosa Beach high school taught me to let the curious stares of others roll right off my back. It was just one of the many side effects of never quite fitting in.Although I'd never actually done anything to Stefanie the office tension was becoming a problem. How obvious could she be? And why would anyone choose to wear their emotions on their sleeve for everyone to see? To me, that would've been like wearing my naughty-nurse costume to a law school reunion. Or my bra as a hat. Completely illogical. It's not that I was dead inside. It was just that I'd learned to not let my feelings run amok. The casual observer might've assumed that since I didn't react, I didn't care, but I consoled myself with the knowledge that at least my fiancÉ, Raj, knew better.Or...well...he used to.Judging by his recent silent treatment, maybe Raj needed a reminder? I glanced down at my BlackBerry for the eighth time that morning. No new messages.Two weeks, I thought. And still not a word from him. Men are such women sometimes.Really though, he'd completely overreacted. I had every intention of helping him understand why...just as soon as he got around to returning my call. Or calls. All right, fine. Two calls, two e-mails and one text message in the fourteen days since he took that consulting assignment in London. The thought of him cutting me out of his life so easily made me want to hurl my BlackBerry at the wall. Of course, that kind of outburst at the conference table wasn't an option. Unless you were a client, in which case even trying to smoke the conference table itself would have been forgiven. Not to mention that nobody would ever find out about it--we at Steel Associates would make sure of that. Appearances are everything in Los Angeles, and so much more at our firm, which catered to the stars. Steel was the most sought-after marital mediation and divorce boutique in the city. Composure was our corporate culture as much as discretion was our hallmark."It's true that our clients rely on us for our legal expertise. But they also expect us to help them steer clear of the headlines," Niles, a senior partner, began. "I understand there have been some...complications with your case. Monica, would you care to elaborate?"All eyes were on me. Silently, I berated myself for using Raj's going AWOL as an excuse not to bother with my eyebrows. To begin with, I was a noticeably tiny brunette scurrying around in The Land Of The Seven-foot Model. Beyond that, I chose a professional career in a part of the country where "trophy wife" was considered a legitimate aspiration. I was used to the women in tight-fitting track-suits and spray-tans who clogged the checkout lines at every Whole Foods on the west side, waiting to buy aSharma, Poonam is the author of 'All Eyes on Her', published 2008 under ISBN 9780373895519 and ISBN 0373895518.